Break
by The Less You See
Summary: It had been a while, but your heart still raced as soon as they walked into the room.


You sit in the park on some obscure bench and watch the people pass by.

Small children running,

Teenagers riding bikes and skateboarding,

Parents pretending to be casual but worriedly checking on their babies every few seconds.

You envy them.

You want what they have and you're not ashamed to admit it.

You're sitting here at twenty-nine and you're wondering where your life went.

Hell, your birthday is next week.

Thirty years old and you haven't done anything overly impressive in your life.

Haven't had a stable relationship since high school,

Haven't been able to hold down a decent job,

Don't even have a real place to stay because you keep finding reasons to move out of your place.

A young woman of maybe twenty-three years walks right in front of you.

She's holding a baby and fussing at a kid who is no more than four to slow down.

Other than that, she was alone.

Until she wasn't.

Her husband walked up – you could see the matching rings glittering in the sunlight – and you watch them kiss.

It was so infuriating that you wanted to cry.

You wanted that.

You wanted what they had with a burning passion.

But you know you'll never get it.

You won't ever have the chance to because you've sold you mind, body and soul to the devil.

Your three friends are some of the greatest in the world, but they aren't enough.

They won't be enough.

Can't.

You want someone to hold your hand,

To share warm, comforting hugs with you,

To snuggle with on the couch as you watch a stupid movie while you wonder why you wanted to watch it in the first place,

To lie next to in bed in the mornings just because they doesn't want to move away from you,

You just want to be loved.

But it isn't going to happen.

You don't get the happy fairytale ending.

It wasn't meant for you.

That's what you said when you were younger.

You never had that white picket fence dream that your friends had as teenagers.

You laughed at them while you watched them go starry-eyed as they talked about their significant others.

You said that that would never be you.

You wanted to belong to you and you alone.

You didn't need anybody else.

Or so you said.

Then you moved out and away from your small town home.

You got to be on your own for the first time in your life and you loved it.

You didn't have to answer to anything or anyone.

Your life was just the way you wanted it.

Then you met the one person who would undo everything that you thought about yourself.

You found yourself falling for that one person.

Your life revolved around them until the point where you changed.

You woke up in the morning and didn't recognize yourself in the mirror,

Didn't recognize that sparkle in your eyes until you did.

You remembered those conversations with your friends and how they'd go starry-eyed.

You'd scoff and deny it.

There was no way you would be in love with them.

You were you and they weren't going to invade your life like that.

Except they had.

They had and it infuriated you.

It angered you to the point that you started snapping at every little thing they said.

Every little thing that you used to love about them suddenly just annoys you.

The way that they'd smile in that stupid, quirky little way of theirs when they saw something amusing.

The way that they'd always rub their wrist whenever something upset them.

The way that their eyes would flash and light up with happiness whenever you walked into the room.

The way that they'd always drop whatever they were doing just to talk with you when you walked up.

It was the little things that pissed you off.

Then, one day, you snapped.

You'd had enough of that stupid burning in your chest that you couldn't – no, wouldn't – identify.

You told them off for a little thing and stormed out of the room.

Your mind was only focused on yourself though, your anger and frustration.

You didn't want to love them.

But you did.

And because you were so wrapped up in yourself,

You didn't notice their face.

You didn't see the heartbreak,

The pain,

The self-loathing,

The amazement at seeing you so angry.

You missed all of that.

But most of all,

You missed the love.

You missed the love that flashed across their face as you left.

And you did leave,

You escaped halfway across the country just to avoid them.

But you missed them.

That burning in your chest that used to be dull and content turned into a burning roar.

But you didn't see them for a year and then fate just had to throw you back together.

If you hadn't found that stupid card, then you might've been able to forget them with time.

Lots of time.

But no.

Fate hated you.

You saw their face and all those old feelings came rushing back.

You wanted them so badly,

But you couldn't have them.

You had hurt them,

Cut them so deeply that you wondered how they had healed.

But they did.

Their face showed surprise at seeing you, but nothing else.

No love,

Not even attraction.

But when _he _walked up, their eyes lit up.

Their eyes lit up for _him._

In that moment, you had never hated anyone more.

You were the one that left, but _he _was the one who stole them away.

Your heart pounded just as it always had when you saw their eyes light up and you heard their laugh.

Your heart twisted when you saw them rubbing their wrist after a compliment turned slightly insulting – you now know why they did that and you hated yourself for not knowing before.

Your heart stopped when you saw that crooked little smile that you loved so much.

Your heart broke when you accepted that none of those smiles would ever be directed at you again.

So you watch the young couple with their children and you remember.

You remember every little moment you spent with them and what you could've done differently.

What you could've changed to keep them at your side.

But it's too late to change anything and you know that.

But your heart doesn't seem to get the message.

It still speeds up as you see them walk towards you holding _his _hand.

It still stops as they smile that damned smirk at you.

They motion for you to come on and you know it's time to go home and you hate how much you don't want too.

But you've never been good at saying no to them.

So you go.

You go as your heart shatters a little bit more with every step towards them.

And when they look up at you and smile with so much happiness, as if you had made their day just by existing, you have to stop yourself from bending down that one little inch to kiss them.

And your heart shatters even more as _he _does just that.

And then it just breaks.


End file.
